Overload..

Things that I hate the most are 'a goodbye' and 'being alone'..
I don't know exactly why, maybe because I am an extrovert and a bit dramatic..
Right now, Allah gives me those things at once.. it is hard, because I couldn't cope with it yet..
I thought I could pass it without feeling empty but in fact it is wrong..
Two goodbyes, alone in this boarding house, work loads, no one to talk, I even starting to talk to myself subconciously, hadeuh, what the hell is happening to me now? (Movie effect, too many rude words)

I think this is a condition called overload.. haha
Pretending to be alright, forcing my self to look cheerful though it hurts inside..
Ah, I am not that strong, maybe I am too confident about myself, I end up being pathetic..

Last month, when cepii left, I tried not to show that I didn't want her to go.. I think I made her believe that I will not that sad when she's gone.. I am just fooling myself..
Dear cepii, I am so sorry for being egoist recently, I restricted myself to not too close with you, I sometimes stay in my room and never really open to you.. I guess I am just afraid of that feeling, of a goodbye..
But I was wrong, we've been close without I even realize it.. and I really miss you now.. you always listen to me, we even watch anime together, I cannot watch hunter x hunter now because I might cry, haha so funny right, we used to talk about killua, kurapika and wing-san everytime.. and if I watch it, I will miss you more..

I've never been a crybaby before, but I just hate being alone, because I always think too much.. I can't stop myself because I don't have anyone to talk to.. when someone around, that person can distract me, to not being stressful..
Cepii, you ever said that I always look happy, eventhough I have lots of problems at work.. actually it's because I have you at that time.. extroverts need people to share their feelings.. finally, I get the answer.. hheu
I will never know how precious you are in my life until you're not here anymore.. hhe at least I can feel grateful for the moments we've shared on the last two months.. :-)

I know I have to wipe away this miserable feelings soon, I won't let it occupies me.. since I cannot talk to anyone right now, better to write everything down here, I believe writing is healing, because now I feel much better..

I hope I could find a way to not being lonely.. aaargh newcomers please live at this boarding house soon.. this emptiness is starting to swallow me.. I have to fight it! Yoosshh~ \(>o<)/